A message in a bottle,

Washed up by the sea,

Written by a mermaid

Especially for me.

“I hope you’ll come and see me,”

That is what she wrote,

In beautiful handwriting

Upon her watery note.

“You’ll find me in the ocean,

“It’s really very clear:

“Latitude 15,

“And longitude just near.”

I once knew a girl called Betty,

Whose hair looked just like spaghetti.

She tied it in strands

With big rubber bands,

Then chopped it up for confetti.

My underpants are white and blue;

One day I dropped them in the loo.

I heard them gurgle down the pipe,

But couldn’t find them on my Skype.

How far, how far, will they travel?

I hope the stitches won’t unravel.

And if they’re in some spooky drain,

Will I ever see them again?

What if the sewer goes out to sea?

My underpants might reach Fiji!

Or has some big fish put them on?

I think my underpants have gone.

Who spilled the rainbow?

Who turned it upside down?

Now all the colours

Are messed up on the ground!

It must have been some silly bird

Not watching where it flew —

It brought the rainbow crashing down

In a shower of goo.

Irving McDrane can fly a plane;

He flies it up and down again.

He flies by night, he flies by day,

Upside down or up the right way.

He loops the loop and barrel rolls,

Through the air he twists and scrolls,

Across the sky with great panache …

Look out, Irving — you’re going to crash!

SPLAT!

Irving McDrane can’t fly a plane

Ever, ever, ever again.

Once we went to the seaside,

Now the seaside is coming to us.

Oceans rise around the world,

But few are making a fuss.

Old shores are disappearing

Beneath the rising tide.

Let’s stop the ice sheets melting,

Before there’s nowhere to hide.

Whenever I eat peanut butter,

It makes me stutter and stutter.

Am I wrong in the head

To keep eating that spread?

I reckon I must be a nutter!

I’m booked to fly on the 8.15

from Earth to Venus via Mars.

I’ve got myself a window seat

with a good view of the stars.

And then it’s on to Neptune,

Just in time for tea.

I hope my pet dog Pluto

will be waiting there for me.

I have my seat belt fastened,

a voice calls “Three, two, one…”

and then the spaceship’s flying,

far away beyond the sun!

Hannah had a hammer,

Sally had a saw,

Alex had an axe,

And chopped down my front door.

Charlie had a chisel,

Gertie had some glue,

Neil had some nails,

And fixed it up like new.

Dinosaurs

Had great big claws

And tails that thumped

And bumped.

Some had wings

And scaly things

And scary jaws

For roars.

How awesome

If we saw some

And lived again

Back then.

We’d make sure

We hid before

A stegosaurus

Saw us!