Bertram Bean’s Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas when Bertram Bean

Lost his left ear — it was nowhere to be seen!

‘Silent Night’ was no joke, as poor Bertram found;

Now his left ear was missing, so was the sound.

“My ear must be somewhere!” Bertram insisted.

He searched high and low; for hours he persisted.

He ran down to the shops, went into each one,

But no one sold ears; all the people made fun.

At last in a hardware store, men solved his plight;

With hammer and saw they worked right through the night,

Then wired it for Dolby(R) — a great idea;

“Here,” they told Bertram, “have a Happy New Ear!”